You say no? No, no, no, NO?

*Text inspired by Rich Litvin. Complete with my 100% personal experiences and conclusions

Before you say no you need to know what you are saying yes to unless you really want to say yes:

1. Say yes to what you tolerate
What you tolerate are those aspects of your life that drain you of energy. Projects, habits, people, objects, activities. They may be hard to detect because you've become so used to tolerating them. Everything you choose NOT to include in your life is there because you tolerate it. From the stack of books on your bedside table to the cluttered desk to the business partner you no longer fit in with. Make a list of 50 such things that come to mind when you answer the questions below:

1. What do you tolerate?
2. What is boring you?
3. What do you wish you hadn't said yes to?
4. What is the list of " as to's" - they are those things you said yes to, but only as a step to get what you actually wanted.

2. Say yes to unclosed loops
An unclosed loop is the kind of commitment you have made to yourself or someone else that has gone unfulfilled. Some of them for years. A friend from whom you borrowed a book or a tenner and never paid back. Your desire to make muscle patties on your belly for which you did nothing. Your promise to your wife that you'd put up some shelves.

See, can you find 50 such unclosed loops? Even the most insignificant things drain your energy. Close them by taking them to the end or announcing that they are no longer valid.
Now that you've found 100 things you've said yes to but are actually a no, let's see how to say no in the first place.

6 ways to say no
"Really successful people say no to almost everything" - Warren Buffett

1. Clarify what is really important to you. Thus, it becomes very easy for the rest to say no from the first.

Clarify your values - the ones that drive you - both when you realize it and when you don't (time with kids, finishing your book, taking care of your health, friends, etc.)

2. See how much it will cost you tomorrow if you say yes today

When you say yes, stop for a moment and think how much this answer will cost you in a week, a month or more, when you actually have to deliver what you promised with that yes.
In business we can equate this analysis to seeing what the opportunity cost is. How much is it costing me to do X business compared to what I'm currently doing and compared to what I can get out of that opportunity?

I was once invited to write regularly for a women's entrepreneur site. Because the value called contribution is important to me and I want to build my business based on it I said yes immediately.

A month later I realized that I had not submitted any material because the posting rules were quite strict and required that the materials be 100% original, meaning that I had not even posted them on my blog before. Which was way too much effort between all the other projects I was working on. The fact that I hadn't sent anything for a month was proof that what I had to pay as an opportunity cost for that yes was too high a cost.
I messaged the owner of the site and explained with all authenticity that it was clear that I could not put 100% dedication into this project and that withdrawing was a much fairer course of action for everyone and as soon as possible.

Her response was very empathetic, as if she was telling me that she too had often ventured too far beyond what she could handle.

3. "No" speaks for itself

No need to apologize. A no without apology or explanation is, contrary to expectations, better received than one accompanied by an apology or explanation. No, no, thanks, but no. And that's it.
Too many explanations actually come from low self-esteem, from a sense of guilt, and it creates confusion among those you are talking to as well.

Besides, saying yes so the other person doesn't get upset is an act of selfishness. Because your yes is not a 100% yes and surely there is someone else who would have given a 100% yes and you took their place.

4. Don't waste time when the answer is no. Give the answer on the spot.

No more explanation needed.

5. You are not allowed to use 7

When choosing whether to say yes or no to a project, partner or client, a 100% yes means an 8, 9 or 10 on a scale of 1 to 10. A decided no is 1 to 6 out of 10 .

7 is the number of Maybe. We always regret when we give a grade 7 yes!

6. Say no to the offer, not the person. How the other person receives the no and reacts to it is about them, not about you.